We waited until Addy was over 3 (like 3 years, 4 months) to hop on the potty train. In some respects, it was too long but really we needed to wait until she was ready.
Signs your child is ready:
- They recognize that their diaper is dirty
- They know the difference between pee & poop
- They wake up dry from naps & nighttime
- They express interest
I think I should note that Addy really hadn't shown any of the signs but 3 is old enough to go anyway. I couldn't take the thought of changing diapers on a 4-year-old.
We had to wait until after Reese was born to avoid any regression and also we waited until after our 9-day trip to avoid complications. We got home on a Saturday and started training on Sunday.
We did some reading and decided to just do the naked plan. We stripped her down and gave her juice and basically headed for the potty every 30 minutes. We made a "Potty Prize Bowl" full of stupid stuff from the Dollar Store and every time she went successfully, she got a prize. We didn't want to do solely candy as that didn't sound to healthy.
We tried putting her in underwear but something about having something on made her think she could go in them. It didn't matter that it was underwear and not a diaper so we evenutally resorted to the naked plan.
The third day of training, we felt like leaving the house. We'd been cooped up for two days and Addy was kind of starting to get it. Being naked helped a lot. So we waited til she went, set the timer for 1 hour and went for a walk. Addy wore clothes on our walk but was commando.
While we were out, she had an accident and while that wasn't a big deal, she didn't seem to even react to it. She wasn't worried about it, she just kind of tried to wipe it away with her hand and carry on playing. That was probably our mistake, to let her play and get distracted. So we went to the bathroom, changed her and then cleaned up the mess.
It's important to note that every time she had an accident, we stretched out the changing and cleaning process so that she couldn't just go back to playing. She needed to know that it was a big deal and unpleasant to deal with.
We spent the week following the same pattern. Potty, 1 hour on the clock, errand. Sometimes we ended up visiting potty at Target and sometimes she was just fine. She only had one accident in the car. At home, naked, she was great. Something about being naked allowed her to feel the urge more than in clothing.
After one week, Addy went to daycare and honestly, that seemed to really help. It probably had something to do with having other potty trained kids around. The first day we sent her commando but our daycare provider didn't like that so we did panties the other days and she was just fine.
Addy has been "potty trained" for over 2 months now with mostly successes. Her first week of preschool was a challenging one in that she had an accident almost every day. She seems to have figured that out now and is having a great week so far.
However, poop is a different story altogether. She has pooped in the potty exactly 3 times with much screaming and crying and becoming hysterical every time. She does NOT like it. She will wait until bedtime when she gets a diaper on most days instead of going. No amount of promises/bribes of ice cream, toys, candy, etc. will get her to go. We have let it go, assuming that she will eventually get over it.
And that is our potty training saga. I wish you better success with yours!
I think a lot of my readers have only 1 child at this time and are probably planning on another. I thought it would be interesting to document a typical day for us to give you an idea of what happens when you add a second child to the mix.
Take this all with a grain of salt though - Reese is still a baby and requires more than Addy. In about 8 months this will look completely different.
Some time around 2-3am - Reese wakes up so I lurch over to her bassinet, grab her, return to bed, nurse her and then put her back down. She usually fusses for a minute but goes back to sleep.
5am - Alarm goes off - I hit snooze and hope it was just a bad dream
5:06am - Nope, I'm not getting back to sleep, up and in the shower to start getting ready.
5:30am - Wake up C and try not to wake up Reese
5:35am - Reese is awake, sit and feed her and hope she can hang out til I finish getting ready
6am - Wake up Addy and tell her to get dressed. Head downstairs to get breakfast and pack up to leave.
6:05am - Addy comes downstairs naked and carrying her clothes. That's fine as along as she dresses herself.
6:20ish - Nurse Reese again
6:32am - Leave for work
7am - 4pm - Work - 3 pumping sessions squeezed in around meetings and lunch.
4:30pm - pick up Reese, chat with daycare lady to see how she was during the day
4:50pm - pick up Addy, chat with teacher to find out how Addy did and if she had an accident
5pm - Nurse Reese. Depending on her day she may take a snooze or not. Depending on the day I might have to start cooking dinner (C & I take turns cooking). Depending on how all this works out I *might* be able to get on the treadmill but probably not. During this time Addy is supposed to play by herself but mostly ends up asking me to watch "Addy shows" or play "Addy Games" on the kindle or phone. She also wants a snacky and a drinky. Get the mail. Check facebook and whatever else while nursing. Wash pump parts.
6:30pm-ish - sit down to dinner. If we're lucky, Reese will sit in the "shakey chair" while we eat but most of the time C & I trade off holding her and eating. Reese usually wants to eat sometime in here again.
7pm-ish - finish dinner and clean up. Every other night is bath night so either we head upstairs to start baths or we hang out for 20 or so minutes. C & Addy usually use this time to throw Addy on the couch and tickle her.
7:30pm - start getting both girls ready for bed. Addy in pjs with brushed teeth and Reese in her pjs and swaddled. We try to pick out clothes with Addy for the next day too. C & I take turns reading to Addy so if it's my turn I nurse Reese while C helps Addy get ready and then I read, otherwise we divide and conquer.
8pm - at this point both girls should be down for the night. Usually after Addy has been in bed for approximately 20 minutes she will come tell us she pooped in her night time diaper (I am thinking of writing another post about potty training but for now all you need to know is that Addy is scared to death of pooping in the potty and holds it until she's in a diaper again - or goes in her underwear...)
8-9:30pm - C & I finish cleaning up dinner, pack things for the next day and finally get to sit on the couch and relax.
9:30pm - start getting myself ready for bed as quietly as possible so Reese stays asleep.
11-12ish - Reese wakes up for a snack.
Lather, rinse, repeat!
C has declared that we will not have more babies. To me, that remains to be seen but he has stated his case. We can have more kids, but no more babies.
So that means that Reese will pontentially be my last baby. And it's sad! As frustrating as babies can be, I love the baby stage. I love the big grins, the cooing, the snuggling. I absolutely loved taking a nap with Reese snuggled up on my chest, so tiny. I don't know if I treasure it more because it could be the last time or if I just love it that much anyway.
I love Addy too, but in a different way. I will be honest and admit that I'm not a huge fan of the 2-3 year old stage. I think that's actually a reflection on me and the amount (or lack) of patience I have. Some times I just can't handle the Whys and the questions and the flat out ignoring/not listening. I hate yelling at her but it happens more than I care to admit.
C is the opposite, he dislikes the baby stage (obviously) and loves this current stage. He loves that Addy can tell us what's wrong or what she needs, that he can play with her and make her laugh and actually talk to her. And yes, I like those things too, but well, you saw how I feel up there.
Addy started preschool this week and the biggest thing was that it hasn't even seemed to phase her. I want to chalk it up to our preparation at home with talking it up for a few weeks and making a big deal of packing her backpack and picking out her outfit and everything, but I really think Addy is just kind of unflappable. The first morning, she just ran off, eager to explore and play with all the new toys. I had to force her to hug me goodbye.
I have no doubts that we will have rough mornings and she'll do some clinging, but for the most part she's ready to head off into the world with hardly a glance back.
I firmly believe that it will be even harder with Reese, knowing that its my last. I know C will be so excited to have them grow up but a little piece of me will always miss the babies.
Dear Reese,
You turned 3 months old yesterday! We've had a lot of change and you actually have been doing pretty well with everything we've thrown at you lately. One thing you'll learn about our family is that we can't seem to sit still for long but maybe that's not a bad thing.
You've been home with Dad for a few weeks now while I returned to work. It wasn't too hard of an adjustment because you got to stay home and I felt better knowing you were in your own home, with Dad. You did fuss a little when taking the bottle at first but I like to think that it's only because you missed me :-)
This week we had to start you in daycare because the school year is starting and Dad needs to get ready. We found a nice lady with a nice home and what seems to be a great program for when you're older and I think she's doing a pretty good job with you. In only 2 days you're already eating and napping like a champ so I'm not too worried about you during the day.
You've been having some stomach issues lately and giving Dad & I a run for our money when it comes to bedtime. I think you're gassy a lot but I can't figure out why. I don't know if I'm eating something that's bothering you or if you've just got a sensitive tummy. I'm hoping that now that we've hit the 3-month mark that things will start to smooth out. It would be better for all of us.
Dad and I are also wondering if you're teething early because all you want to do is suck (feed) or chew on something. You quiet down when you get a finger or pacifier in your month. It would be super early but not unheard of I suppose.
You are so much fun lately, you have HUGE smiles when you're happy! You've started making little squeaks when you smile like you're talking to me and I love to sit and smile and coo back to you.
I should mention that you are also already rolling over, about a month early. You can go both from stomach to back and back to stomach, but you go more back to stomach. You certainly keep Dad & I on our toes!
I'm excited to see what the next few months bring us. I love you little girl!
Love, Mom
On July 17th it was the 1-year anniversary of my mom's passing. For a few months after she passed, I wondered what we would do that day. Would my brothers and I come together and find a way to honor and remember her? Would we all be a little closer, having grown over that year?
The answer is that I spent that day by waking up at 4am to catch a 6:30am flight from LA to Cleveland with my 2 small children. To be honest, I can't even remember now exactly what we did. (We went to the store, cooked dinner and hung out until we all crashed - I just remembered.)
Yes, I thought of her off and on through out the day and I missed her but it was mostly nothing new.
When she passed, we had her cremated and the remains were simply placed in a cardboard box that went home with my dad. As far as I know, he put that box on the mantle and it is still there. I don't know, I haven't been in the house for quite some time. When all this was happening, I requested that eventually we do something, put something somewhere so that we would all have a place to go to visit her, talk to her, remember her. That hasn't happened.
I miss her every single day. I think about her every day. I have dreams about her and I wish they were good dreams where she reassured me that everything was ok, but mostly she's sad in them.
I stopped going to therapy at the beginning of this year. It wasn't because I thought I was done but because I was pregnant, starting a new job, etc. Busy. If I were still there I'm sure that she would have recommended that I do something to honor her like go to her favorite place for lunch or write her a letter or something.
As for all of us being closer, we're not. Not that we're further apart, just that things don't really seem to have changed. With one exception, my dad. There has been a lot of turmoil over the past year in our relationship and we are distant.
If there isn't a place to go and visit her, perhaps I'll have to create one.
I have started and deleted 2 blog posts in the last week. One because I decided you didn't really want to read about my daycare woes (and the post was getting to be crazy long [and boring if I'm being honest]) and one because it got confusing.
I have a hard time telling only part of a story. So when I want to write a post about my relationship with the Church and religion, I feel like I need to start at the very beginning with my childhood and what led to this point.
Here is a gist of things I want to write about but haven't had time or don't want you falling over from boredom:
- How we as a family are thinking about distancing ourselves from the Catholic church and perhaps looking into more of a Christian religion that doesn't make us say a prayer to deny gay couples the right to marry. I think they should be allowed to marry and I don't want to teach my girls that gay couples are something to be looked down on.
- Side note: Why isn't there as big an effort against divorce? I would think it's way more harmful to marriage than gay couples.
- Daycare - how hard it is to find the right one, how weird it is that I have to pay for their time off, and events leading up to our switch. Basically, after some mis-communication Reese is going to a brand new (to us) daycare starting in a few weeks. Addy will be in pre-school so we will no longer be using our previous one. Sad, but it had to happen.
- I am crazy and already planning our trip to Ohio for Christmas. Basically, I want to buy tickets because the price is reasonable but C's extended family can't ever figure things out so he wants to just buy the tickets and what happens, happens. I want to make sure that Reese can see her great-grandma so I don't want to buy tickets until we know what's going.
- Tangent post - C thinks its unfair that we make all kinds of effort to come visit but no one comes to see us except his mom. I counter that when we visit everyone is in one place (We see every aunt, uncle, cousin, etc.) whereas each one of them would have to buy tickets.
- C went crazy and started seriously looking into moving back to California and I freaked out and we had a fight and he agreed to back off a bit. The end of this is that we're not moving. Yet. If ever.
- I'm back to work. I already wrote about this but I could write forever about schedules, pumping at work, etc. It's going fine, basically.
- I don't speak to my dad hardly at all any longer. I thought after my mom passed that things would change and we would become closer and he would come over for dinners but I'm afraid that our relationship has been damaged beyond repair. I think that's really sad.
So there you go. Jacque's mind - in 1000 words or less.
A little shout out to the Glee fans (New Directions is the name of the Glee club).
As of Monday, I now work for A Corporation. Those of you who are my FB (and Real life) friends already know what the real name is but I don't want to risk getting fired so A Corporation it will remain here.
Changes like a new job impact all areas of your life, whether you're prepared or not. Spending 10 weeks at home with Reese was amazing and the best thing I could have done. Having C home with me was like icing on the cake. I honestly loved being able to spend time with him and amazingly we didn't even get sick of eachother.
But going back to work is both a blessing and a curse. Pros: I feel like a contributing member of society, PAYCHECKS, time away from my loved ones (makes the heart grow fonder), and a schedule. Cons: I miss my family (since I got used to being home), no more sleeping in or mid-day naps, and most of the time coming home to chaos as I try to catch up with C & Addy and feed Reese and figure out some dinner etc.
Note: I don't think that SAHMs are not contributing members of society. I simply know that I am not cut out to be one. More power to you moms who do stay home because I know how hard it can be. For me, having a job outside the home provides us the luxuries we have and its so ingrained in me to work that staying home isn't even an option.
Things will get harder once the school year starts. C is teaching a brand new class (to him) this year which means more planning. Plus, he may not get a free period at school which means the planning happens before and after school. A is starting pre-school which we're all very excited about but its a change. And of course, Reese is still a baby and will be starting a new daycare. C & I are struggling with tryign to figure out the pick up/drop off schedule already.
I think that if we can make it through this year that we'll come in to a place where things settle down and we can enjoy being a family. By next summer Reese will be 1, Addy will be 4 and hopefully C will have tenure. And hopefully I'll be settled and enjoying my new position.
