Wednesday, March 7, 2012

No April Showers

Disclaimer: This is going to be a slight pity party post.  Just a heads-up.  Sarah - this does NOT mean that I want you or your wonderful mother to throw us a shower.  This is simply a release of some pent up emotions.  On to the blog:

Yesterday someone asked if we were registered and having a shower.  It was a completely innocent question that you would think pregnant women hear often.  But it set something off in me.

When I was pregnant with Addy, I was informed that we would not be having a shower with my side of the family.  Since C & I were not married, it was not considered appropriate in my family to have a shower to celebrate a baby born out of wedlock.  We were understandably hurt.

It went beyond that though.  It became more about being judged.  And people decided not to help us when we lived 3000 miles away and probably needed the help more.  Because we weren't around to receive hand-me-downs from family and we didn't have our moms dropping by with food or diapers.

Yes, its a decision we made, to live so far away.  But it didn't mean that we didn't need or want the help.  And we shouldn't have been "punished" for it.

And we're proud that we still made it through and Addy had (and always has had) everything she needed.  Would it have been easier?  Probably.  But we did it anyway.

Now we're married and doing things the "right" way but you know what?  We still don't get a shower because this is our second child.  And I get that that's how things work.  Many women in my family have had multiple children and no showers for them.  It has nothing to do with us.

We're local now, so we're getting the hand-me-downs (and some of our own things back) and I'm not worried but there's that tiny bit of resentment that we're just supposed to understand and be ok with it.  And every once in a while, it sucks.

1 comment:

  1. I felt bad that you didn't get a shower for Addy either. But, being as I was just about to marry into the family, I didn't want to rock the boat. (Though, now that I'm here, I haven't had problems with a certain "little old lady") lol.