Monday, February 27, 2012

Week 23

Originally written 1/23:

I've been back to work for a week and it's been fine.  My boss has referred to my pregnant state as my "issue", referring to the fact that I have an end date that can not be moved.  I'm working til this baby comes and that's it.

We have another U/S this week and I'm hoping we'll finally get a firm call on the gender.  It's not that I care what gender the baby actually is, I just want to know so I can get planning!  I need to know whether to get all Addy's clothes back or start looking for boy clothes.

We have our boy name picked (we have for about 3.5 years) but we're trying to decide on a girl name in case we need it.  We've narrowed it down to 2, barring any other names that come to us.  I'm not going to share yet, but maybe when we get closer.

How far along?:  23 weeks
Total weight gain/loss:  My home scale has me finally breaking into the 140s (I say finally like it was a goal or something).  The doc's office seems to weigh lighter which means less than a 10lb gain so far.
The Bump:  Loud and proud.  No mystery about what's going on there.
What I’m excited about/looking forward to:  U/S this week!
Maternity Clothes:  Pants are a given but I wore a maternity sweater to work today.  Clothes that fit (that aren't maternity) are getting harder and harder to come by.
Symptoms: Heartburn almost every night, ugh!  And the usual issues with sleep.
Belly Button in or out?:  In. I don't see this changing.
Food Cravings/Aversions: EVERYTHING sounds good.  Sweets (either sour or chocolate), pizza, buffalo chicken anything, etc.
What I miss:  Sleeping through the night...
Milestones:  I don't know if another U/S is a milestone, but I'll take it!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Thanks, I Needed That

I don't think its a secret that I was unhappy at my job.  I never truly felt like I fit in or was appreciated.  I felt like everyone was "Pro-Workplace!" all the time and I just couldn't be that person.  I hated the nepotism and favoritism and back-stabbing.  I think all those things come when you work at a smaller, privately owned, owner still actively involved company.

I made a lot of concessions when I left CA and told myself that it was ok.  To just give it some time and I would evenutally work my way back up.  I never expected that I would make the same wage I did in CA, that was slightly ludicrous considering the cost of living difference.  But I gave up roughly 25% of my paycheck and a week of vacation time.  In addition, I went to a smaller organization that did not provide health insurance and barely had paid holidays.

But I told myself that it was worth it to be home, and let me be clear that I'd never regret giving up all those things considering I was able to spend just under a year with my mom as a result.

But all that time (16 months) dragged me down and made me feel smaller.  Like, this was as good as it got.  Like this was all I was worth.  I started to under-value myself because it was what I knew about working in this state vs. CA.  And even though I was making plans to leave, I didn't really have a plan.  I thought I could maybe ask for $5K more but that was it.

I have this contract position (and a $6K raise) now and I've been getting phone calls about work.  People are starting to hire again and I've had 4 phone interviews, 1 in person with 2 more on the way for sure.  I had a phone interview yesterday that went extremely well.  My current boss is hounding me to talk to another manager here because this company needs to retain me. 

And you know what I'm finding out?  I'm worth more.  People are willing to pay and fight for me.  Yesterday's interview revealed that they are willing to start me at ~$5K more than I even make now.  And give me 17 vacation days.

Oh yeah, and all this while I'm pregnant.  I never thought people would be interested in someone would would need maternity leave a month after starting.  Or that they'd be willing to hold a position until I was ready to come back to work.  It's just crazy!

I called C yesterday after and told him how great I felt.  I said, "This is undoing a lot of the damage that [previous company] did to me.  I feel better about working than I have in a long time."

So thanks world.  You owed me one for sure after 2011 and it's nice to see it coming back.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Week 22

Originally written 1/17

My time at home with Addy has come to a close and I went back to work today.  Other than the drive (about an hour to get in this morning and I was 20 mins late on my first day - whoops), the job seems pretty ok.  At least something I can do for the next 4 months.

We get our second ultrasound next week and I'm excited to (hopefully) get some closure on this whole gender debate.  And, of course, to make sure everything is ok with our little peanut.  I'm really not worried about anything because my doctor's not worried.  So I don't see a reason to be worried.

How far along?:  22 weeks
Total weight gain/loss:  About 6-7 lbs.  I really need to quit the sweets though.  It's not helping.
The Bump:  I'm pretty sure people know I'm actually pregnant now.  We went to the pool yesterday and I wore a bikini and people were definitely looking.
What I’m excited about/looking forward to:  Our next ultrasound!
Maternity Clothes:  Went through my bin and pulled out things that will work.  I'm having some issues with sizes so I only have about 6 pairs of pants that actually fit.
Symptoms: Just tired and random growing pains.
Belly Button in or out?:  In. I don't see this changing.
Food Cravings/Aversions: If it's sweet, I will eat it.
What I miss:  Being able to sleep through the night.
Milestones:  Corey felt the baby move last week!  It seems really early to feel it but it was pretty exciting!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Name Game

I remember with Addy that it wasn't easy to pick her name.  I was one of those people that thought seeing her face would somehow cement her name in my mind.  Like, it was possible that Addison wouldn't be her name because she wouldn't "look" like an Addison.  I can't imagine her any other way now, but that's not the point.  I wasn't one of those people that could pick a name before birth and be confident in it.

Picking a name stressed me out.  What if it wasn't a good name?  What if she hates it when she's 16?  What if there are 12 other Addys in her school?  And on and on.  C picked Addison around month 7 or 8 and saw it through where I would only say were were 90% committed to it.

And let's not get started on spelling.  Addie?  Addi?  Addy?  Addey?  Some other spelling?

I've been trying to change with this one.  We've been throwing names around and SHOCKER, we have actually agreed on one and will be naming this child that name, barring anything unplanned (it's a boy, I hate the name in the delivery room, etc.).

For me, names have to have meaning.  I can't pick just random names.  I want family ties included.  My stance has been that we can pick an original first name (original to the family) but the middle name ties him or her back to their roots.  It was done with all my brothers and myself and going up my mom's tree.  I love it.  I love being able to say, "I was named after my grandmother, who was Jacquelyn before she was adopted and they changed her name."

I'm not going to reveal our choice just yet.  It just feels like something I want to keep to ourselves for a while.  I worry that telling people will bring judgement and will taint the name for me.  That (stupid) people will cause me to second guess something I've already decided, something that means a lot to me.

But, to keep you interested, here is a list of first or middle names we have considered: Caroline, Elisa, Theresa, Jillian, Judith, Lynn, Peyton, Barbara, Patricia, Anne and Emma.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Week 21

Originally written 1/09:

One more week of SAHM and then it's back to work for me!  At least next week will be a 4-day week so I can ease back into working full time.  I'm so tired when I wake up in the morning I don't know how I'll get back into the routine of getting up early every morning again.

This job is just a contract position where I'm employed basically until I go into labor and then I'm unemployed/on maternity leave.  When C & I first started talking about this, we both wanted me to find full time, non-contract employment to have some security.

Now that I've been thinking about it, this isn't the worst set up.  Once the baby comes, I'm back to staying home.  C & I can have all summer to stay home together with Addy and the baby before he goes back to school and I (hopefully) find a new job.  I mean, who knows how long it will take me to find work after the baby but it's nice to think that we could both be home together this time.  We also have a wedding in mid-July in California and it'd be nice not to worry about having to take extra time off for traveling.

Some confusion with the baby is that I have absolutely no idea what the gender is.  Even though the U/S tech said 75% sure it's a girl, the doctor said she thinks that means she didn't really know.  And every single appointment I have, the heartrate drops.  172 to 156 to 144 to 137bmp.  I'm hopeful that we'll get a firm answer in 2.5 weeks when I go back for another U/S.

How far along?:  21 weeks
Total weight gain/loss:  Last week at the doctor I weighed in at 134.8 which means a gain of 6.5 lbs total
The Bump:  It seems HUGE for only 21 weeks but the doctor said it's nothing. 
What I’m excited about/looking forward to:  Another U/S in 2 weeks!
Maternity Clothes:  All the time.
Symptoms: Not much to speak of.  Just tired.
Belly Button in or out?:  In. I don't see this changing.
Food Cravings/Aversions:  Anything mexican.  Pizza has been sounding REALLY good lately too.
What I miss:  Being able to keep up with Addy
Milestones:  I don't think 21 weeks is a milestone...

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Weeks 19 & 20

Originally written 1/04:

I'm combining weeks 19 & 20 due to the holidays, a visit from C's Mom, the party and some unexpected dental work...

The holidays were surprisingly fine, I actually wasn't as down as I thought I would be.  Some parts were sad, Christmas Eve mass caught me by surprise and found me in tears at communion.  It sucked having the party and sorting through the things she had intended to give us herself and not have her there.

Also, the Monday after Christmas, I was eating dinner and my front tooth fell out!  I have crowns on both front teeth and I apparently broke the tooth under the crown and the whole thing fell out that night.  I had emergency work to get it put back in place but then I had to have surgery and even more work and more to come.  My teeth suck.

We also had the ultrasound last week and I wish it were all happy news but it's not quite.  What I can put together is that they saw a tiny spot on the heart called an EIF (Echogenic Intracardiac Focus) which, on its own would be no issue.  However, when combined with any other issue is an idicator for a genetic defect.  They looked at everything they could and found no concerns but couldn't get a clear look at the face and there might be a cleft lip or palate.  I go back in 3 weeks now to get another look.

Also at that appointment, we found out that they're 75% sure that we're having a GIRL!  But I'm hoping we'll get our 100% call at the next ultrasound!

Hearbeat at the U/S: 144bpm

How far along?:  20 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: All the Christmas goodies caught up with me finally and I'm up about 9 lbs.  We'll find out for sure at my appointment on Friday.
The Bump: Oh, it's totally there.  I feel HUGE and we're only halfway!
What I’m excited about/looking forward to:  Finding out the gender for real!  And another ultrasound means another chance to see my baby!
Maternity Clothes:  Oh yeah, we're there.  I have a problem though that I started out at a lower weight than I did with Addy and now none of my pants fit!  The jeans I'm wearing today are seriously going to fall off!
Symptoms:  Just tired!
Belly Button in or out?:  In. I don't see this changing.
Food Cravings/Aversions:  Not much to speak of.  Queso and chips (see weight gain above).
What I miss:  Not getting tired out just taking Addy to the grocery store.
Milestones:  Half Way There!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

18 Weeks

Originally written 12/19:

Not too much to report this week.  Seriously, I can't think of anything to blog here so here's the update!

How far along?:  18 weeks
Total weight gain/loss:  I keep checking on our scale but it doesn't change much.  I think I've gained about 4 lbs.
The Bump: It's definitely more noticeable now.  I made a joke about "embracing the bump" over the weekend when I wore a tighter sweater.
What I’m excited about/looking forward to:  The ultrasound next week!
Maternity Clothes:  Yes, after 18 weeks I have given in and wore maternity pants today.  My other pants were having issues because if they fit in the waist, they were def. too loose in the hips/butt so it was time.
Symptoms:  Lots of fluttering.  I'm actually not sure its movement or my uterus practicing but I feel it a few times a day.  If it's the baby moving, then it's doing back-flips in there.
Belly Button in or out?:  In.
Food Cravings/Aversions:   I think it will be great to have homemade turkey dinner over Christmas.  It's basically going to be Thanksgiving all over again so I'm excited!
What I miss:  Having more energy and it not being a struggle to carry Addy around.
Milestones:  We're close to finding out the sex and we're closing in on the 1/2 way point!