Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Catch 22

Originally written 10/10

I feel like I ruined our weekend and I'm still feeling guilty about it even though C told me not to worry.  See, I'm stuck in this catch-22 where all I want to do is relax and sleep and really not do much of anything but then I feel bad because I'm neglecting Addy, C, the house, etc.  

C told me I was being very distant this weekend and I told him how tired and nauseated I feel most of the time and he understands but it's still not right.  And then I feel that my fuse is so much shorter right now and Addy is in this phase of not wanting to listen AT ALL and so I told him that sometimes I think it's best to just keep my distance.  I'd rather not play with her than yell at her.

But we did get out into the garden and did some work there, and we went to the apple orchard yesterday and had a really nice time so it's not like I was a super grump the whole time.  Just half...

How far along?:  8 weeks
Total weight gain/loss:  I'd guess around 2 pounds.  I'm nervous because every time I start to feel ill, I shove some crackers in my mouth and I don't think that will help with the weight gain.  I'm torn between not caring (I'm pregnant!) and worrying about it (harder to lose after baby).
The Bump:  I think there's not really a change from last week so far.  My weekly e-mail told me my uterus is the size of a grapefruit right now.  Still wearing a lot of loose tops though.
What I’m excited about/looking forward to:  Finally coming clean.  I'd like to hold out for 2 more weeks.
Maternity Clothes:  Not yet.
Symptoms: Feeling ill all the time, tired, oh so very tired and acne.  YAY!
Belly Button in or out?:  In. I don't see this changing.
Food Cravings/Aversions: Had a big thing of ice cream and apple crisp yesterday (see Weight Gain) and it was AMAZING.  Plain vanilla ice cream never tasted so good.
What I miss:  Semi-clear skin instead of what I've got going on right now.
Milestones:  None to speak of.  Pretty sure the heart beat is audible this week!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Week 7

Orginally written 10/3

We finally told a few people over the weekend and twice now I have had someone tell me I've been "glowing" and I have no idea what that means!  Or how to stop it!

If I do this pregnant thing again, I will be more firm in telling people that we're not going public with the info yet.  I had someone RUN to me, give me a HUGE hug and SCREAM "you're pregnant?!" at a party in front of a bunch of people.  My 9-year old niece was standing right there and we all know how kids can be (God love 'em) so I had to tell her that yes, I am pregnant, but it's kind of a secret right now.  She seemed confused.

How far along?:  7 weeks
Total weight gain/loss:  Maybe a pound or 2 but no real change.
The Bump:  I've read in books and the doctor confirmed that since I did this once already my bump will show sooner which depresses me in a way.  I also read that I'll probably be in maternity clothes by 4 months (compared to 6+ months with Addy).  I know I'm older and that things are stretched out but I can't help but be a little sad that it's all happening so quickly.
What I’m excited about/looking forward to:  Oddly, being able to just tell everyone finally.  No more hiding!
Maternity Clothes:  Not yet, but I did buy a cute t-shirt over the weekend.
Symptoms: Sickness is here!  I remember it kicked in around 6 weeks with Addy too so that's the same.  If I'm not actually stuffing food in my face then I feel sick.  Hungry or full, I feel ill.  It's awesome...
Belly Button in or out?:  In. I don't see this changing.
Food Cravings/Aversions:  Got some tortilla soup over the weekend and it was great!  I still want comfort things, mostly soups and Sprite.
What I miss:  Having energy and not feeling ill.
Milestones:  None?  I think next week is heartbeat time though we won't hear it for 2 more weeks after that (10 weeks).

Monday, November 21, 2011

An Unexpected Change of Plans

Last Thursday I was called into my boss' office where he and the VP of Operations waited.  They closed the door and then started some speech that I don't quite remember that culminated in telling me that I was being laid off, effective immediately.

The VP left me with my boss where we talked for a minute about how it had nothing to do with my performance or anything about me but was about cost cutting even though I had more seniority than 2 other people in my department.

Then I went to my office, packed up my desk, said goodbye to a few people and left.

Here I am, 14 weeks pregnant, with no clue this was coming, no real prospects, and no paycheck.  Yes, I get unemployment but there's still a $1000 gap between where we were and where we will be now.

The plan is for me to look for a job but pull Addy out of daycare until something happens.  If nothing happens, they I do the stay-at-home Mom gig until after this baby is born and then hit it hard core after that.

For now, I get 3 days where Addy is still in daycare and I get to wallow a little bit.

So far my wallowing has included getting dinner in the crock, doing laundry, cleaning and an occasional nap.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

T-minus 39 Days

That's right people, in case you hadn't counted, Christmas is a mere 39 days away and I. am. freaking. out.

Since C & I have the new (and relatively big) house, we've been selected to host this year, which is fine.  It makes the most sense since we have the big family room and plenty of seating (except for dinner).  But I keep stressing about what we'll cook, what people should bring, what we can make ahead of time, and exactly how much of things do we need for the roughly 27 people that will be at our house?

C & I have already figured out that we'll need 2 mains, so probably a turkey and either a ham or a pork loin.  Mashed potatoes of course, probably a stuffing, vegetable, apps, salad, desserts, etc.  It's really like another Thanksgiving.  It figures that all the recipes I like the sound of will need the oven.  That's not going to work.

Add to all this that C & I actually really like to cook and we are trying to figure out what we want to do ourselves, and what we want to hand off.  I'll be doing tons of research this year, trying to figure out how to utilize crockpots for things.

This year is going to be extra hard as it's the first year without my mom.  I think it mega-sucks that she never saw our house, that I was never really able to show off to her what a great cook I am (and a humble one!) and my pride in my home and family.

In addition to food, I also get the responsibility of basically planning festivities.  Do we want to carry on some traditions or let some go?  And I know I have help but it feels like as the only biological female, it's on my shoulders.

I've already accepted that no matter what I do it won't be quite right.  It's only the first one.  We can tweak as we go.

But I can promise some kick ass food.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Week 6

Originally written 9/26

I actually look forward to these little updates!  Technically, 6 weeks is tomorrow, but it's so much easier to remember to do it on Mondays.

There's not much difference between this week and last week and I suspect things will stay that way for a while.

How far along?:  6 weeks
Total weight gain/loss:  Still weighing in around 130.
The Bump: I'm convinced it's already there and it's already huge.  Pants feel a little tighter when sitting and my side view has definitely changed.  I should point out that C thinks I'm nuts and no one else has said a word but if I already feel this big, this will be a loooong 9 months.
What I’m excited about/looking forward to:  No change from last week, my first doctor appointment!  I just want it confirmed and to make it real!
Maternity Clothes:  Not wearing yet, but I bought a pair of maternity jeans on clearance over the weekend.  I should bust out the bin they're all stored in and take inventory.  I'm pretty sure I don't have much in the way of winter clothes and its freaking me out.
Symptoms:  Tired and feeling a little pulling if I move the wrong way.  Kind of a strain.  Had too much caffeine this morning and felt a little sick after but please to report that the sickness has stayed away so far.
Belly Button in or out?:  In. I don't see this changing.
Food Cravings/Aversions:  Comfort food like casseroles and soups.  Oh, and Mexican food.  We finally had some Saturday night which helped but I really want a bowl of tortilla soup.
What I miss:  Having a glass of wine with dinner.
Milestones:  Just the first doctor's appointment!

Friday, November 11, 2011


Everyone talks about morning sickness (which is a misnomer and can strike at any time of the day, mine is more "evening sickness") and fatigue as pregnancy symptoms, which are both true.  But I don't know if people mention "pregnancy brain" or hormones as much, though I'm here to tell you that both are real.

Example: C & I watch the show "The Sing Off" on NBC, Monday nights.  I really enjoy watching the groups perform completely a capella (meaning - no instruments, only voices) and admiring the skills it take to replicate instruments with only your voice.  The performances are, most of the time, amazing and you don't even really notice the fact that there's no guitar present.

Anyway, there's a girl group on there, Delilah, and they are SO good.  They give new meaning to that old phrase "Girl Power" but unfortunately they weren't quite good enough and went home this week.  I watched the show last night on the DVR and started tearing up during their performance.

They were singing Aerosmith's "Dream On", not exactly a tear inducing song.

But I remember watching them and thinking, "These girls are singing their ASSES off.  They want it SO badly.  Look at them!  And they're so good!  I'm so sad that they're going home!  They worked SO hard!" etc.

What a stupid thing to cry over and yet, there I was, trying not to actually cry and feeling so sad for these girls.

I should point out that in addition to some raging hormones, I was so tired that I was in bed, with the lights out, by 8:45pm.

And there's that fatigue for ya.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Week 5 Revisited

Happy 12 weeks!  This entry originally written 9/22...

I will admit to stealing borrowing this from another blogger I follow, so credit where credit is due.  

I thought it would be fun to document this pregnancy this way.  With Addy, I didn't keep much track other than my old blog, and I didn't even come clean there until 12 weeks or so.  I did start a journal for Addy which I still update (when I have time) to this day.  The first entries are "Dear Baby" since we didn't have a name.  I love looking back on them to see how things were going.

I made my doctor appointment for my first check next week.  Since it's so early, things don't really seem real yet.  Nothing's really going on other than some slight nausea and a wee bit of cramping.  Oh, and being tired.  All. The. Time.  That never really went away with Addy so I don't expect this to be any different.

The nurse called me yesterday to get some info and made my official due date May 24.  C is just happy that it's close to our anniversary so he doesn't have to remember a new date!

Ok, here we go!

How far along?:  5 weeks
Total weight gain/loss:  None of note.
The Bump: Hopefully non-existent at this point.  I'm completely terrified of showing early, before I'm ready to tell people.
What I’m excited about/looking forward to:  My first doctor appointment!  I just want it confirmed and to make it real!
Maternity Clothes:  None yet, though I have been wearing my smaller sized pants more often knowing that they won't fit much longer.  I have a range of sizes to work through before switching to full on maternity clothes.
Symptoms:  Tired, tired.  I almost fell asleep in a meeting yesterday.  In my defense, it was after lunch.  Night classes are going to be the worst!  A small amount of nausea but really nothing big.  A little cramping, but same story.  Just normal aches and pains.
Belly Button in or out?:  In. It stayed in the whole time with Addy and it better stay that way this time too!
Food Cravings/Aversions:  I have been on a buffalo sauce kick lately but that's about it.  Since it's cooling off and fall is beginning, I'm getting into baking mode again.
What I miss:  Being able to watch a movie all the way through, but that's actually nothing new.
Milestones:  Just the first doctor's appointment!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Week 5

Originally written 9/19

I found out yesterday that I'm pregnant!  It's completely surreal.  C was overjoyed which was so nice to see.  He gave me a huge hug and kiss and we talked about it randomly throughout the day.  Things like, "You know, even pregnant you still have to change Addy's diapers" or "What do you mean I only get one cup of coffee?!"

I have to admit that while I'm excited (this is exactly what we wanted and tried for!), I'm also scared.  Which is weird because I've done this before.

But I'm scared about how our little family will change and scared about money and how Addy will cope and how I'll make it through 10 more weeks of my  night class and when do I tell people and it goes on and on...

I have only told one person so far.  It's like I want to keep it in this protective bubble for as long as I can.  I keep looking at calendars figuring out when is the proper time to tell people.  I am thoroughly bothered that I might start to show earlier this time and I want to keep it under wraps for as long as possible.

For now, important dates!  Due Date: May 22nd.  Date we enter Tri 2: Nov. 8 (Election Day)  Day I will probably spill the beans: 10/28 or 10/31.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Birthday, Halloween, and Secrets

My birthday went off pretty much as I suspected it would.  C & Addy let me sleep in until the very late time of 8:30am (which actually is pretty late considering Addy was up at 6am) and then they took me out for breakfast, which was delicious.  

We hit Target then home for Addy's nap.  I did laundry, we eventually did the grocery shopping and C cooked dinner.  Pretty standard Sunday really.

When I was a kid, my birthday was the BEST time of the year.  I have a love for Fall that no other season can replace and my birthday being in the fall is like icing on the cake (heh, the BIRTHDAY cake).  My parents put all 5 of us kids through private, Catholic school and we used to get Holy Days of Obligation off school.  It turns out that November 1 is a HDoO, All Saint's Day. 

So imagine you're about 7.  It's your birthday, then the very next day is HALLOWEEN!  And then, just when it couldn't get better, you have the next day off.  What a great 3 days!

Yesterday was not as exciting as when I was around 7.  Instead of trick or treating and staying up late, I had to go to class and NOT take Addy out.  C didn't take her out either, so I guess I didn't really miss anything.  And today I'm at work so my life is not living up to my childhood expectations.

BUT, today is a great day because I can finally reveal that I am 11 weeks pregnant and Addy is going to be a Big Sister!  DD is 5/22 which makes this baby a First anniversary present and C extremely grateful that he doesn't need to remember another important date.

I've been keeping a log, posting each week without posting publicly.  I'll be posting those updates randomly until we get caught up.  It starts at Week 5 and details how I'm feeling, what I'm experiencing and what I'm looking forward to.  It's kind of funny how it changes week to week.

So watch for those and Happy (late) Halloween!