One thing that C & I have neglected to do in regards to our wedding day is come up with a Rain Plan.
I know, I know. The girl who plans EVERYTHING did not plan for rain. Unbelievable.
Well, for a while I simply figured that it just couldn't rain. That it wouldn't dare.
But... I've been stalking the weather forecast and this is what I'm seeing:
Hopefully that's not itsy-bitsy for you. Now, I'm not going crazy over here. I know things will change. Yesterday the forecasted temp was 78 but still raining. Today it's down to 71 with rain. They predict 4 hours of rain. I only need a 2 hour window. I need time for the chairs to be set up and dried off, time to get married and time to get the hell back inside. That's all.
But I think maybe it's time that I accept that it could rain. Mother Nature is being a big ol B this year so it probably WILL rain.
The thing is, our reception venue is OK but that's all. It's only OK. It's not amazing or magical or anything. I didn't want to get married there because I wasn't impressed with anything they had to offer for our ceremony. I don't really want to get married there but the way I see it we have 3 options.
1) it doesn't rain or it rains for a small window in the morning and everything goes as planned with nary a problem.
2) it rains and we cut the ceremony all together and start our dinner by exchanging vows in the reception hall before eating dinner.
2a) So C & I just sit around until 6pm, waiting for the reception to start?
2b) Do a First Look & all the wedding party pictures before hand since we'll have extra time
3) Reserve a room at Pheasant Run as our back up, be married at 3pm as planned and go from there
3a) The room costs $500 that will be wasted if it doesn't rain
3b) The rooms at PR are BORING and we will have zero decorations to make them any better. A boring conference room with chairs & nothing else. And there's nothing I can do about it without spending more money on things that may or may not be used.
I know that technically it shouldn't matter. That the important thing is that we're getting married! but I've had all my dreams pinned on using this pavilion on the river and it being gorgeous and making up for the stupid ballroom our reception will be in.
And also? Something that just occurred to me is how to handle informing everyone of the change of plans. How do we tell everyone? And who's going to take my cell phone away so I don't throw it through a window?
This is my own fault, you know. I did this to myself. And I continue to do it.
The thing about weddings is... there are a million endings to that. My current on is, the thing about weddings is that you feel bad pawning off projects. You think you should be able to do it all. I mean, this is YOUR day, not any one else's so how can you ask them to do things?
I am happy because over the weekend I got both menus and programs off my list. Of course, I wasted about $20 on vellum paper before realizing that it wasn't going to work. That sucks. But the programs and menus both look really nice in my humble opinion.
We also finished up Addy's outfit so that's also off the list. I just need to figure out what to do with her hair and find that silly flower girl basket that we were gifted and have now lost in the mess that is "Wedding Crap".
But really, I should have planned a day in here somewhere so that I could spend the whole thing finishing up these projects. Like the table numbers, and the Thank You sign and the cookies that I still have to bake and the bags for the hotel rooms. Because as of right now, we are working until Wednesday, then jumping in the car and heading to Chicago with no downtime planned. And I want these things to be completed by Wednesday because I have other things to do when we get there.
I can't be making table numbers at the hotel on Friday morning, though it's tempting as there will be more hands in one place to get them done... It's not like they're hard, I just have to sit down and do them. I definitely can't be baking cookies at the hotel so that HAS to get done.
If I ever do this again, not for myself but for a friend or a relative, I'll definitely plan one day where I take off work and dedicate it to GSD. Getting sh*t done.
One thing about weddings that does not come up often in other life situations is signing your name to multiple contracts all promising money in exchange for goods or services. Your vendors will draw up all the contracts for you to sign but it's extremely important that you read them over to make sure you understand what is included and what is not.
Hopefully you've chosen wonderful vendors and you have no issues asking them questions about what the contracts states and what that means. For instance, we hired a Day of Coordinator (DOC) for our rehearsal and wedding day. I read over the contract and signed away and sent over the deposit. Then the e-mails began with me asking all kinds of questions. At the end of every e-mail I always stated that if I was asking them to go above and beyond the duties we had hired them for to please let me know. If it's not their job to e-mail the parks dept. to find out if we're allowed to have a wedding there, then I shouldn't ask them to do that. But I didn't know so I always tried to be extremely up front about what they did and did not do.
Today I got documents from our wedding venue with all our details in them. When things will start, when we will have access to certain areas, what time things should end, our menu selections and prices of each, our agreed upon minimum, etc.
It's a good thing that I have trained myself to read over the documents because their start time and my start time for the bridal suite were vastly different. Like, 4 hours different. Additionally, they got some pricing wrong which left uncaught would have cost us almost $1000! I'm actually still waiting for an answer on the pricing issue but it's in my original contract that way so they have to honor it!
I highly encourage that you read your contracts both when you receive them AND just before the wedding so you understand what you're supposed to get the day of. I anticipate that it will save me multiple stress headaches if I get everyone on the same page ahead of time.
Ok, technically it's 2 weeks from Saturday but I was at work the other day and realized that any of my projects, heck anything having to do with the wedding, needs to be done by the Tuesday before! That is the last night we'll have to do anything at home because that Wednesday we'll load up the vehicle and ride on down to Chicago!
So I might have had a mini panic attack and I might have spent $60 at Michael's yesterday to complete some projects like a Thank you sign for pictures and some guest book table decorations and some battery operated tea lights...
I did a mock-up of a table number (they're supposed to look like this) and it was ok. It will work. My issue is that I wanted to avoid having to buy and use glass vases in the center and have the paper stand on it's own. It seemed fine the only issue is that I get a seam where the paper overlaps on the back side. I'm also having issues figuring out how to make them at home and transfer them without crushing them. I'm thinking that perhaps I can get my hands on a wine case with the dividers in it.
I created a program that I'm pretty proud of. It's double-sided and crammed with info but I think it's nice. C likes it too so we're set there. I just need to print them and cut them all in half.
I finally ordered our guest book! And bought pens so people can actually write us messages! I have to make sure all my bridesmaids know that we want people to sign them so we actually get some signatures.
My to-do list is still long but I'm trying to just take deep breaths and knock things out where I can.
2 weeks!
Corey & I with the judge at our small wedding last September.
So when we left off, I was explaining that even though C & I are married, it shouldn't take away from our wedding in May. We didn't set out to hurt anyone, we did what we thought was best at the time for our family. We tried to spare everyone's feelings by leaving out everyone instead of picking & choosing who would be present.
Unfortunately, that backfired and some people were extremely hurt that we would do this without telling/inviting them.
Long story short, resolution has been reached but not without some damage to our relationship (mine & the person, not mine & Corey's). We both have hurt feelings about how each person handled the situation. This person will make every attempt to attend the wedding but at what cost? And now instead of being happy that this person will attend, it's feelings of guilt that this episode had to take place to get them to attend.
Bottom line: Weddings suck. Weddings are built up to be this joyous occasion where you're surrounded by family and friends who love you and support your relationship and sometimes that isn't always the case. Sometimes your closest friends or family members can't or won't make it to your wedding. That leaves you with 2 choices.
1) you can mope and cry and feel sorry for yourself and wonder why people won't respect the fact that it's your special day dammit and get all cranky and threaten to just call the whole thing off and make your loving fiancee pull you back from the edge
or 2) you can accept that while your wedding is the most special event to happen to you (so far), other people's worlds do not revolve around you and your wedding. You can accept that due to the economy (thanks a lot Middle East) and time and whatever else is going on, some people will not make it. Some important people won't make it.
The wedding industry has built up weddings to the point where they are the END ALL BE ALL of any event EVER. We are all brainwashed with to think that our weddings mean nothing without tons of people witnessing our professions of love. I'm not being cynical, I'm just explaining the way I see it.
Once you get past all that, you become thankful for the people that do make the effort and you put on your big girls pants and forgive/understand that some people simply can't. Most of the time it's not because they don't want to, they actually can't.
I'm not saying I'm there yet, but I'm getting there. I will probably still miss some people at the wedding but maybe, just maybe, I'll be even more grateful for the ones that are there.
Back in September, C & I made the decision to get legally married in a very small, very private courthouse ceremony.
(I'm sure I blogged about it at some point but I can't find it right now.)
We planned the whole thing in about 4 weeks and told a handful of people. We didn't tell our parents or grandparents or any of my brothers, save one, or anyone else. We told a few friends, but in reality, about 6 people other than us knew anything about it.
The only reason we told one brother & his wife is because we needed a witness for the ceremony. They made the most sense because 1) we like them 2) C feels the closest to this brother out of the four 3) they didn't have any children at that point to worry about and 4) we did a photo shoot right after for our Save the Dates and she had the DSLR.
We mainly did it for insurance purposes. To get us all on the same plan, with the same deductible as a legal family. I'd by lying if I said we weren't excited about it. There was something so romantic about that day. About our secret.
We mad the decision to keep it small for a number of reasons. We didn't want to have to deal with who got invited or what lunch we'd do after or how none of C's family would be present but somehow it was supposed to be ok to involve all of mine. We decided it would be better to offend everyone because then we could say, "Yes, you weren't there but neither were our parents. That's how small it was."
The ceremony was literally 5 minutes long but the vows are binding forever. We knew that.
What we didn't know is that people would actually get upset about not being invited. About choosing one brother over another. About us keeping a secret.
So upset, that they considered skipping the May wedding because if we didn't think they "were special enough to invite them in September, then why would May be any different?"
This is exactly what I wanted to avoid. I didn't want what happened in September to take away from May. Yes, we are already legally married but my dad didn't walk me down the aisle, we didn't have a first dance or a cake or any of those things. We said the bare minimum of vows to make it legal and that was that.
May is the celebration. May is the culmination of 3 years together and almost a year of planning. May is the big white dress and my father's arm and the profession of love in front of everyone near and dear to us.
Or so I thought.
To be continued...
Back when I used to work at Ford, when we would finish a project we would document "Lessons Learned" as a way of hopefully saving ourselves from making the same mistakes in the future. It was great in theory, but I never actually checked the recorded lessons and therefore never learned anything. Oh well.
My cousin's wedding was Saturday and it was a lovely event! Even with the torrential rain that morning and some family drama, she kept a smile on her face and focused on the joy of the day and everything went perfectly as far as I can tell.
Things I learned though...
I learned that I definitely want to make sure that our DJ is on the same page as us. I want to make sure he knows what songs to play when (Entrance, First Dance, etc.) before the actual day because poor Cousin was answering those questions about 5 minutes before we actually made our entrance.
Also, I didn't care for the music the DJ played. Perhaps this is what my cousin & her man wanted but it was older 90s Top 40 Songs (This is How We Do It, etc.) and it felt like the dance floor was empty a lot. Another thing that bothered me about him was that I specifically requested a song and he never played it while I was there! If the dance floor is empty, but you have a song request, you should play it! You're guaranteed at least one person dancing!
I learned how important a timeline is. After the ceremony the bridal party sat around for about 20 mins or more waiting for the string quartet to finish and it was BORING. I stole a bottle of wine from the bar & some glasses so we could celebrate, but we were stuck in this tiny room together. Plus, none of us knew why we were sitting there.
I feel like I should note that I'm totally a Type-A, need to have a plan or I'll die, kind of person. Some people (Cousin included) may be absolutely fine with the way things were handled. In fact, knowing her, she probably could have cared less.
I learned that Addy (who is 2) is unreliable. I knew this already but seeing her at this wedding only confirmed that I shouldn't count on her walking nicely down the aisle or sitting quietly while C & I exchange vows. At least I can prepare myself now for her interruptions.
I also learned that one brother in question will be attending my wedding after all! I wish I were happier about it but they just kept using money as an excuse like they hadn't just spent a ton on their own celebration. And my other brother is putting a damper on it as he's still a question mark.
One other thing I learned: many things will go wrong at the wedding. Some I'll notice and some I won't. But I'll be there, with the love of my life and our daughter and that's all that will matter. I'll hear him say those wonderful words that join us forever (again) and I know that nothing can put a damper on that.
