Dear Reese,
You turned 3 months old yesterday! We've had a lot of change and you actually have been doing pretty well with everything we've thrown at you lately. One thing you'll learn about our family is that we can't seem to sit still for long but maybe that's not a bad thing.
You've been home with Dad for a few weeks now while I returned to work. It wasn't too hard of an adjustment because you got to stay home and I felt better knowing you were in your own home, with Dad. You did fuss a little when taking the bottle at first but I like to think that it's only because you missed me :-)
This week we had to start you in daycare because the school year is starting and Dad needs to get ready. We found a nice lady with a nice home and what seems to be a great program for when you're older and I think she's doing a pretty good job with you. In only 2 days you're already eating and napping like a champ so I'm not too worried about you during the day.
You've been having some stomach issues lately and giving Dad & I a run for our money when it comes to bedtime. I think you're gassy a lot but I can't figure out why. I don't know if I'm eating something that's bothering you or if you've just got a sensitive tummy. I'm hoping that now that we've hit the 3-month mark that things will start to smooth out. It would be better for all of us.
Dad and I are also wondering if you're teething early because all you want to do is suck (feed) or chew on something. You quiet down when you get a finger or pacifier in your month. It would be super early but not unheard of I suppose.
You are so much fun lately, you have HUGE smiles when you're happy! You've started making little squeaks when you smile like you're talking to me and I love to sit and smile and coo back to you.
I should mention that you are also already rolling over, about a month early. You can go both from stomach to back and back to stomach, but you go more back to stomach. You certainly keep Dad & I on our toes!
I'm excited to see what the next few months bring us. I love you little girl!
Love, Mom
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
One Year
On July 17th it was the 1-year anniversary of my mom's passing. For a few months after she passed, I wondered what we would do that day. Would my brothers and I come together and find a way to honor and remember her? Would we all be a little closer, having grown over that year?
The answer is that I spent that day by waking up at 4am to catch a 6:30am flight from LA to Cleveland with my 2 small children. To be honest, I can't even remember now exactly what we did. (We went to the store, cooked dinner and hung out until we all crashed - I just remembered.)
Yes, I thought of her off and on through out the day and I missed her but it was mostly nothing new.
When she passed, we had her cremated and the remains were simply placed in a cardboard box that went home with my dad. As far as I know, he put that box on the mantle and it is still there. I don't know, I haven't been in the house for quite some time. When all this was happening, I requested that eventually we do something, put something somewhere so that we would all have a place to go to visit her, talk to her, remember her. That hasn't happened.
I miss her every single day. I think about her every day. I have dreams about her and I wish they were good dreams where she reassured me that everything was ok, but mostly she's sad in them.
I stopped going to therapy at the beginning of this year. It wasn't because I thought I was done but because I was pregnant, starting a new job, etc. Busy. If I were still there I'm sure that she would have recommended that I do something to honor her like go to her favorite place for lunch or write her a letter or something.
As for all of us being closer, we're not. Not that we're further apart, just that things don't really seem to have changed. With one exception, my dad. There has been a lot of turmoil over the past year in our relationship and we are distant.
If there isn't a place to go and visit her, perhaps I'll have to create one.
The answer is that I spent that day by waking up at 4am to catch a 6:30am flight from LA to Cleveland with my 2 small children. To be honest, I can't even remember now exactly what we did. (We went to the store, cooked dinner and hung out until we all crashed - I just remembered.)
Yes, I thought of her off and on through out the day and I missed her but it was mostly nothing new.
When she passed, we had her cremated and the remains were simply placed in a cardboard box that went home with my dad. As far as I know, he put that box on the mantle and it is still there. I don't know, I haven't been in the house for quite some time. When all this was happening, I requested that eventually we do something, put something somewhere so that we would all have a place to go to visit her, talk to her, remember her. That hasn't happened.
I miss her every single day. I think about her every day. I have dreams about her and I wish they were good dreams where she reassured me that everything was ok, but mostly she's sad in them.
I stopped going to therapy at the beginning of this year. It wasn't because I thought I was done but because I was pregnant, starting a new job, etc. Busy. If I were still there I'm sure that she would have recommended that I do something to honor her like go to her favorite place for lunch or write her a letter or something.
As for all of us being closer, we're not. Not that we're further apart, just that things don't really seem to have changed. With one exception, my dad. There has been a lot of turmoil over the past year in our relationship and we are distant.
If there isn't a place to go and visit her, perhaps I'll have to create one.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Mish-mash
I have started and deleted 2 blog posts in the last week. One because I decided you didn't really want to read about my daycare woes (and the post was getting to be crazy long [and boring if I'm being honest]) and one because it got confusing.
I have a hard time telling only part of a story. So when I want to write a post about my relationship with the Church and religion, I feel like I need to start at the very beginning with my childhood and what led to this point.
Here is a gist of things I want to write about but haven't had time or don't want you falling over from boredom:
I have a hard time telling only part of a story. So when I want to write a post about my relationship with the Church and religion, I feel like I need to start at the very beginning with my childhood and what led to this point.
Here is a gist of things I want to write about but haven't had time or don't want you falling over from boredom:
- How we as a family are thinking about distancing ourselves from the Catholic church and perhaps looking into more of a Christian religion that doesn't make us say a prayer to deny gay couples the right to marry. I think they should be allowed to marry and I don't want to teach my girls that gay couples are something to be looked down on.
- Side note: Why isn't there as big an effort against divorce? I would think it's way more harmful to marriage than gay couples.
- Daycare - how hard it is to find the right one, how weird it is that I have to pay for their time off, and events leading up to our switch. Basically, after some mis-communication Reese is going to a brand new (to us) daycare starting in a few weeks. Addy will be in pre-school so we will no longer be using our previous one. Sad, but it had to happen.
- I am crazy and already planning our trip to Ohio for Christmas. Basically, I want to buy tickets because the price is reasonable but C's extended family can't ever figure things out so he wants to just buy the tickets and what happens, happens. I want to make sure that Reese can see her great-grandma so I don't want to buy tickets until we know what's going.
- Tangent post - C thinks its unfair that we make all kinds of effort to come visit but no one comes to see us except his mom. I counter that when we visit everyone is in one place (We see every aunt, uncle, cousin, etc.) whereas each one of them would have to buy tickets.
- C went crazy and started seriously looking into moving back to California and I freaked out and we had a fight and he agreed to back off a bit. The end of this is that we're not moving. Yet. If ever.
- I'm back to work. I already wrote about this but I could write forever about schedules, pumping at work, etc. It's going fine, basically.
- I don't speak to my dad hardly at all any longer. I thought after my mom passed that things would change and we would become closer and he would come over for dinners but I'm afraid that our relationship has been damaged beyond repair. I think that's really sad.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
New Directions
A little shout out to the Glee fans (New Directions is the name of the Glee club).
As of Monday, I now work for A Corporation. Those of you who are my FB (and Real life) friends already know what the real name is but I don't want to risk getting fired so A Corporation it will remain here.
Changes like a new job impact all areas of your life, whether you're prepared or not. Spending 10 weeks at home with Reese was amazing and the best thing I could have done. Having C home with me was like icing on the cake. I honestly loved being able to spend time with him and amazingly we didn't even get sick of eachother.
But going back to work is both a blessing and a curse. Pros: I feel like a contributing member of society, PAYCHECKS, time away from my loved ones (makes the heart grow fonder), and a schedule. Cons: I miss my family (since I got used to being home), no more sleeping in or mid-day naps, and most of the time coming home to chaos as I try to catch up with C & Addy and feed Reese and figure out some dinner etc.
Note: I don't think that SAHMs are not contributing members of society. I simply know that I am not cut out to be one. More power to you moms who do stay home because I know how hard it can be. For me, having a job outside the home provides us the luxuries we have and its so ingrained in me to work that staying home isn't even an option.
Things will get harder once the school year starts. C is teaching a brand new class (to him) this year which means more planning. Plus, he may not get a free period at school which means the planning happens before and after school. A is starting pre-school which we're all very excited about but its a change. And of course, Reese is still a baby and will be starting a new daycare. C & I are struggling with tryign to figure out the pick up/drop off schedule already.
I think that if we can make it through this year that we'll come in to a place where things settle down and we can enjoy being a family. By next summer Reese will be 1, Addy will be 4 and hopefully C will have tenure. And hopefully I'll be settled and enjoying my new position.
As of Monday, I now work for A Corporation. Those of you who are my FB (and Real life) friends already know what the real name is but I don't want to risk getting fired so A Corporation it will remain here.
Changes like a new job impact all areas of your life, whether you're prepared or not. Spending 10 weeks at home with Reese was amazing and the best thing I could have done. Having C home with me was like icing on the cake. I honestly loved being able to spend time with him and amazingly we didn't even get sick of eachother.
But going back to work is both a blessing and a curse. Pros: I feel like a contributing member of society, PAYCHECKS, time away from my loved ones (makes the heart grow fonder), and a schedule. Cons: I miss my family (since I got used to being home), no more sleeping in or mid-day naps, and most of the time coming home to chaos as I try to catch up with C & Addy and feed Reese and figure out some dinner etc.
Note: I don't think that SAHMs are not contributing members of society. I simply know that I am not cut out to be one. More power to you moms who do stay home because I know how hard it can be. For me, having a job outside the home provides us the luxuries we have and its so ingrained in me to work that staying home isn't even an option.
Things will get harder once the school year starts. C is teaching a brand new class (to him) this year which means more planning. Plus, he may not get a free period at school which means the planning happens before and after school. A is starting pre-school which we're all very excited about but its a change. And of course, Reese is still a baby and will be starting a new daycare. C & I are struggling with tryign to figure out the pick up/drop off schedule already.
I think that if we can make it through this year that we'll come in to a place where things settle down and we can enjoy being a family. By next summer Reese will be 1, Addy will be 4 and hopefully C will have tenure. And hopefully I'll be settled and enjoying my new position.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Break
I am SO sorry for the extra long break here, something happened with out laptop and I literally couldn't sign in to blog!
Granted, I have a 9 week old baby around too, but she does sleep occasionally.
We just got back from our epic trip and I have to say, it wasn't horrible - the traveling that is. Seeing our friends and family is always great. The day before the trip I was starting to regret planning such a huge trip, flying from Cali to Ohio and being on the road for 9 days. In retrospect, it probably was the best way to do it because now we're home and it's done.
Reese is getting bigger every day and starting to settle. She still occasionally has some stomach issues but they seem to be less frequent so that's good. She's a great sleeper, last night she slept 7 hours followed by 3! Of course, that 3 hour stretch ended at 6:15 so I've been awake for a while now. I guess it's good practice for going back to work, which I do next week!
Going back to work is a good and a bad, mostly because it will be good to get back to work (and earn a paycheck) but I've really loved being home with C, Addy & Reese this summer. I feel like we didn't take advantage of it like I wanted to but we have an infant, so what did I expect we'd get done?
This week being my last week home, and our daycare being closed, we decided to tackle potty training Addy. She's almost 3 1/2 so I think its time for sure. It's been an interesting week. She does well at home, while running around naked but as soon as we put bottoms on her (shorts or pants, no undies or diapers) she seems to have issues. Like she can't remember. She can't run around naked at daycare so I hope she figures it out soon.
I'm attaching a couple pictures from our trip, enjoy!
Granted, I have a 9 week old baby around too, but she does sleep occasionally.
We just got back from our epic trip and I have to say, it wasn't horrible - the traveling that is. Seeing our friends and family is always great. The day before the trip I was starting to regret planning such a huge trip, flying from Cali to Ohio and being on the road for 9 days. In retrospect, it probably was the best way to do it because now we're home and it's done.
Reese is getting bigger every day and starting to settle. She still occasionally has some stomach issues but they seem to be less frequent so that's good. She's a great sleeper, last night she slept 7 hours followed by 3! Of course, that 3 hour stretch ended at 6:15 so I've been awake for a while now. I guess it's good practice for going back to work, which I do next week!
Going back to work is a good and a bad, mostly because it will be good to get back to work (and earn a paycheck) but I've really loved being home with C, Addy & Reese this summer. I feel like we didn't take advantage of it like I wanted to but we have an infant, so what did I expect we'd get done?
This week being my last week home, and our daycare being closed, we decided to tackle potty training Addy. She's almost 3 1/2 so I think its time for sure. It's been an interesting week. She does well at home, while running around naked but as soon as we put bottoms on her (shorts or pants, no undies or diapers) she seems to have issues. Like she can't remember. She can't run around naked at daycare so I hope she figures it out soon.
I'm attaching a couple pictures from our trip, enjoy!
Friday, June 15, 2012
A Day in the Life
It's funny because while I was pregnant with Reese I worried about how our life would change once we had 2 kids. I worried about how Addy would adjust, if she would still feel loved and included and safe or if we would have some major problems. I worried about if C & I would still find time to connect and talk or if we'd just be busy taking care of both kids.
But I never worried about the day-to-day and how in the world we'd get things done like cooking dinner and laundry and cleaning and perhaps that's where I should have spent my energy. Because if Addy weren't still going to daycare then I have absolutely NO idea how I would manage to get anything done like feeding and showering myself.
Now that C's summer vacation has started, our routine has changed drastically. Addy still goes to daycare 3 days a week (to both hold her spot and to keep her social - she really likes her friends there) but he & I are both be home every day together. That's a lot of together time.
This past 3 weeks have been about me just figuring out what Reese needs and recovering from having a baby. We've been lucky that she's pretty good about sleeping at night. She wakes up 3-4 times to eat and get a new diaper but most of the time goes right back to sleep. We work hard on making sure that she gets plenty of awake time during the day. In fact, today she's already logged 2 hours of awake time today and it's only 8am.
Our first doctor's appointment last week was great. Reese was back to birth weight and everything checked out well. We got a Rx for eye drops since she seems to have a clogged tear duct and instructions to come back in a few weeks. We have an appt. to get her in right before our big trip so she's got her shots.
Sleeping baby = breakfast time!
But I never worried about the day-to-day and how in the world we'd get things done like cooking dinner and laundry and cleaning and perhaps that's where I should have spent my energy. Because if Addy weren't still going to daycare then I have absolutely NO idea how I would manage to get anything done like feeding and showering myself.
Now that C's summer vacation has started, our routine has changed drastically. Addy still goes to daycare 3 days a week (to both hold her spot and to keep her social - she really likes her friends there) but he & I are both be home every day together. That's a lot of together time.
This past 3 weeks have been about me just figuring out what Reese needs and recovering from having a baby. We've been lucky that she's pretty good about sleeping at night. She wakes up 3-4 times to eat and get a new diaper but most of the time goes right back to sleep. We work hard on making sure that she gets plenty of awake time during the day. In fact, today she's already logged 2 hours of awake time today and it's only 8am.
Our first doctor's appointment last week was great. Reese was back to birth weight and everything checked out well. We got a Rx for eye drops since she seems to have a clogged tear duct and instructions to come back in a few weeks. We have an appt. to get her in right before our big trip so she's got her shots.
Sleeping baby = breakfast time!
Monday, June 4, 2012
40 Weeks
Originally written 5/21:
Note: This is the last post of the series. What's funny is that I wrote this approximately 2 hours before my water broke and Reese was born this same day! How funny to look back and see how desperate I was to have her, and then I did!
Reese is 2 weeks old today and couldn't be sweeter - except when she's screaming her head off. We're off to the doctor today for our first check-up and I'll be anxious to see how much she's gained.
First things first, Happy Anniversary to C & Me! One whole year since we stood up and made our vows! And to think, I've never done wedding photo recaps. But then again, it has been one crazy year.
So, in the interest of being completely honest (which I've tried to do with these posts), I am a little upset that I'm writing this 40 week post. Because I convinced myself that I'd have a baby by now. And yes, I realize that I have little control over it but I figured with it being my second and all that she would be early.
And, I'm just tired of being pregnant. 40 weeks is a long time. I keep telling myself that things could be so much worse. I know people who have been on bed rest or had all kinds of issues with pain and I'm very lucky to be healthy and able to still do (almost) everything that I want to do.
In baby news, basically everything is done. The hospital bag is packed and actually in the car. Addy's bag is packed except for the few things that she uses every day like her stuffed animal friend, Arnold. I installed the car seat base last week and cleaned up the car.
So now, we wait.
How far along?: 40 weeks - GAH!
Total weight gain/loss: Last week's appointment had me up 32lbs. I'll take it.
The Bump: I'm getting Braxton Hicks that I actually recognize this time (If I had them with Addy, I didn't know.) It's crazy how hard my stomach gets during them.
What I’m excited about/looking forward to: Just seeing her!
Maternity Clothes: What's funny is that at this exact moment, I'm not actually wearing anything maternity. I don't have maternity pajamas because I never saw the point, but this bump doesn't allow much to fit anymore.
Symptoms: I am losing my mucus plug! With Addy, it all came out at once but now its a little at a time. It's a sign of progress!
Belly Button in or out?: In. I don't see this changing.
Food Cravings/Aversions: Nothing. I still love cereal and have like 2 bowls every morning.
What I miss: Sleeping comfortably. My hips hurt now, both sides so its impossible to get comfortable these days.
Milestones: Any time now - seriously baby ANY TIME.
Note: This is the last post of the series. What's funny is that I wrote this approximately 2 hours before my water broke and Reese was born this same day! How funny to look back and see how desperate I was to have her, and then I did!
Reese is 2 weeks old today and couldn't be sweeter - except when she's screaming her head off. We're off to the doctor today for our first check-up and I'll be anxious to see how much she's gained.
First things first, Happy Anniversary to C & Me! One whole year since we stood up and made our vows! And to think, I've never done wedding photo recaps. But then again, it has been one crazy year.
So, in the interest of being completely honest (which I've tried to do with these posts), I am a little upset that I'm writing this 40 week post. Because I convinced myself that I'd have a baby by now. And yes, I realize that I have little control over it but I figured with it being my second and all that she would be early.
And, I'm just tired of being pregnant. 40 weeks is a long time. I keep telling myself that things could be so much worse. I know people who have been on bed rest or had all kinds of issues with pain and I'm very lucky to be healthy and able to still do (almost) everything that I want to do.
In baby news, basically everything is done. The hospital bag is packed and actually in the car. Addy's bag is packed except for the few things that she uses every day like her stuffed animal friend, Arnold. I installed the car seat base last week and cleaned up the car.
So now, we wait.
How far along?: 40 weeks - GAH!
Total weight gain/loss: Last week's appointment had me up 32lbs. I'll take it.
The Bump: I'm getting Braxton Hicks that I actually recognize this time (If I had them with Addy, I didn't know.) It's crazy how hard my stomach gets during them.
What I’m excited about/looking forward to: Just seeing her!
Maternity Clothes: What's funny is that at this exact moment, I'm not actually wearing anything maternity. I don't have maternity pajamas because I never saw the point, but this bump doesn't allow much to fit anymore.
Symptoms: I am losing my mucus plug! With Addy, it all came out at once but now its a little at a time. It's a sign of progress!
Belly Button in or out?: In. I don't see this changing.
Food Cravings/Aversions: Nothing. I still love cereal and have like 2 bowls every morning.
What I miss: Sleeping comfortably. My hips hurt now, both sides so its impossible to get comfortable these days.
Milestones: Any time now - seriously baby ANY TIME.
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