Wednesday, August 17, 2011

One Month

I want to write but I often don't know what to write.  It's been one month today since we lost my mom.  Since the last time I was able to speak with her and tell her I love her.

I remember that we were going to grab some lunch and try to let my mom rest, because she didn't want to sleep until she'd seen us all.  So we talked to the nurse and then I told my mom that they were giving her some morphine and that we were going to leave her alone for a while so she could rest.  She said ok and probably gave me a thumbs up, because that was what she did.  And I told her I loved her as I walked out of the room and she mouthed it back to me and that was the last time.

We didn't know, as we went to lunch, that she would basically take a turn for the worse, that we would pretty much never speak to her again.  She was still coherent afterward, but she steadily declined as time went on.  

I miss her every day.  Even when I forget, I still miss her.  It's not fair to lose her so suddenly and so young.

I didn't know that today would be so hard.  I didn't realize that I would cry at my desk.

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