I could not shut my brain off over the weekend and all I could think about was, "If I'm pregnant then..." Random thoughts included: how will I get through 2 bach. parties (mine and my cousin's) without telling anyone, will my dress still fit, what will people think/say, should we tell people we're already married, do I really care, etc.
This whole time I'd just been thinking that last time I was pregnant I didn't show until later in my pregnancy. Like, I didn't seriously show until about 5-6 months. Until then, it just looked like I'd gained some weight and should perhaps spend more time at the gym. So I thought I would be ok but then I did the math.
IF I am then I will be 20 weeks at the wedding. That's half-way. There's really no hiding. And as much as I've done a great job at gaining my figure back there's no denying that things got stretched out before so they're more easily stretched out this time.
And I thought that I might want to think about dresses that I can wear that are empire waistlines instead of my fitted gown. I don't want to give up my dress though! I searched a lot for that dress, I teared up when I had it on, it's the one! Ugh.
I feel bad. If I am then of course I will be excited. Babies are wonderful gifts and we definitely want more. But I can't help but be a little upset that the timing isn't what I wanted.
It will still be a beautiful wedding and I need to keep that in mind. The other things are trivial and I need to let them go.